You ask whether things are okay. The answer helps for a while, then the question returns. Perhaps a delayed reply feels hard to leave alone, or you keep rereading a conversation for a clue you missed.
There are several possibilities: the relationship may be inconsistent, something may be unclear, you may be carrying an earlier worry, or more than one of these may be true. Calling yourself anxious does not settle which explanation fits. Start with the actual pattern and the kind of clarity you need.
Look at the relationship as well as your response
Make two columns. In one, record observable events: canceled plans, unanswered practical questions, warm contact, agreements that were kept. In the other, record interpretations: “They are leaving,” “I annoyed them,” or “If I ask again, I will know.”
This is not an exercise in proving that your concern is irrational. If someone repeatedly breaks an agreement, that matters. If the evidence is uncertain, another round of checking may still not supply the answer you want.
A useful distinction is between requesting information and requesting certainty that no person can promise. “Are we still meeting tomorrow?” is answerable. “Can you guarantee you will never lose interest?” is not.
Make one request someone can respond to
Try an observation, an impact and a request: “When our plans remain undecided until the last minute, I struggle to organize my evening. Can we confirm by lunchtime?”
The other person can agree, suggest an alternative or decline. That response helps you decide what works for you. A request is different from repeated testing, threats, monitoring or asking someone to prove care through constant availability.
You also get to assess whether the arrangement meets your needs. Learning to tolerate uncertainty does not mean accepting persistent disrespect or abandoning reasonable expectations.
Plan for the interval after asking
Before sending the message, decide what you will do while waiting. Choose something specific enough to start: prepare dinner, walk around the block, call a friend about another subject, or put your phone out of reach while completing one task.
If you want to send another message, pause and ask what new information it contains. An urgent practical update may need sending. A repetition of the same question may be a cue to return to your plan. You can use the thought-to-action reflection if that distinction feels unclear.
This is an experiment in how you spend the waiting period. It is not a rule that you must suppress feelings or handle every need alone.
Review what happened, without grading yourself
Afterward, note whether your request was understood, whether the agreement was workable and whether your waiting plan helped. If it did not, make it smaller or choose a different support. Repeated conflict may call for a broader conversation about compatibility and expectations.
Attachment research offers context for anxiety about availability, but it cannot diagnose this situation. R. Chris Fraley's guidance on the ECR-R explains that these are dimensions, not natural boxes. The exercise here is an original planning suggestion, not a validated assessment or treatment.